A lot of MTF (Male To Female) Transwomen undergo transitioning in some way or another. It is one of the most common ways to alleviate Gender Dysphoria and achieve the body that we should’ve been born with. There are a lot of successful MTF transition timelines that you will see on social media and it displays everything as light, encouraging and pretty. Whenever we see these, we get so hyped up and encouraged and these just lift our hopes up and make us think that the road to the real us will be smooth.
However, transitioning isn’t all sugar & spice and everything nice. There is always the other side of the coin. Transitioning also has its own sad truths. These are the things that you will experience when you undergo transitioning. These are part of the Tea of life and so often, not talked about.
1. Transitioning is not for Everyone.
Just because you think you can transition and you feel like transitioning, doesn’t mean you have to. There are a lot of things you must first consider before transitioning.
Make sure that transitioning will really help you with your dysphoria.
Check your current health status to know if you’re okay to take hormones as it can affect a lot of systems of your body.
Medical transitioning should always be supervised by a doctor.
Consult with a doctor before pushing thru with it. Health is always more important than anything else. Don’t sacrifice your health for anything else.
2. Transitioning is not cheap.
Hormones are definitely not affordable. You should make sure that before you even start transitioning that you have enough money to support it as you have to take it for lifetime. One misconception is that you can just stop hormones and go continue when you can. HRT (Hormone Related Treatment) is lifetime. There is no sense taking hormones occasionally as it will just mess up your system. You can get away with Birth Control Pills for HRT but you’re putting your life at higher risk of developing Blood Clot. So make sure before you start, you’ll be able to sustain the hormones.
3. Transitioning is not for the faint of heart.
You have to be brave enough to let everyone know that you are transitioning. There will be a number of times where people will discourage you and tell you, you wont be as good as you want yourself to be. Don’t listen to them. Be strong and just keep pushing forward. Once you give in to their negativity, you will never be able to see the true you, so be brave and strong enough. Once you see the fruits of your transitioning, people who didn’t believe you will then realize it and it will be easier for them to understand you. But right now you just really need to suck it up and be strong.
4. Not everyone will pass and look as feminine as they desire.
You have to know that hormones Aren’t the magic pill that will transform you in the exact woman that you imagine yourself to be, let alone the woman that you may see in the mirror. You have to be aware that hormones, most of the time, simply won’t cut it. Genetics play a big role in your transition and majority of Transwomen who are into hormones wont be as pretty as they want to be by just taking hormones alone. So, we have to find other means to compensate for the rest of it. There are surgeries, make up, clothing, proper gestures, voice feminization and so on. Don’t just rely solely on hormones. And even if you don’t pass, you’re still valid enough. You’re still woman enough. Don’t let anyone define your femininity and identity.
5. The passing privilege isn’t always all good.
I get it that there are really a lot of benefits that you will get when you’re passable. People see you as a woman and chances of you being clocked, is almost non existent. But then again, that doesn’t mean you wont experience negative things. Biological women get harassed in public. There are a lot of things that happen to women every day and since passing makes you look like an average woman in the public’s eye, that subjects you to all the possible negative things that an average woman might encounter. So make sure to learn how to protect yourself as well.
6. Not all Transwomen want to pass.
I understand that some Transwomen have already tried their best in everything and may feel like it’s enough. But there are also some who don’t really make an effort to do so. If you’re going to set a goal, make sure to set the bar high. Do everything that you can so that even if you don’t land on the moon, at least you’ll fly among the stars.
7. It does not change the voice.
The voice can actually give it away for a lot of people. Even if you pass physically, the moment you speak, people would easily clock you. They will immediately know you’re trans and it somehow feels very invalidating to be caught, simply because of one thing. Make sure to train your voice and feminize it. Having a convincing voice will help you pass along with looking pretty. Voice training can be done yourself. There are a number of Voice feminization training videos on Youtube. You just really need to invest the time and dedication because no matter how pretty? If you don’t have the voice to match, they won’t see you as the woman you are.
8. Hormones will not completely get rid of your dysphoria.
There are things about your insecurities and dysphoria that hormones cannot cure. You just have to find ways on how to combat those issues. There are also a number of ways to alleviate dysphoria and lessen your insecurities. Don’t just rely on hormones. You really have to help yourself. Doctors can offer advice, but only you can really help yourself. Sometimes we just have to accept the reality of some things in ourselves in order for us to be happy.
9. You will lose a lot of people in your life.
A lot of people will walk away from your life as soon as they find our you’re trans, or that you’re transitioning. These are the people that are so comfortable with who you are currently, that living your true self will only inconvenience them as that’s really all they see. There will also be people who will claim that they accept you, but behind your back, they’ve got the knife out. Be on your guard and be strong. Keep those who truly accept the real you, and don’t be afraid to cut the toxic people from your life.
I know this article may have come across as sad and depressing, but I just wanna give you a cup of the Tea of life. Not everything is fun and colorful. There will always be shadows and darkness. But all you have to remember is to remain strong and know that the sun will still shine no matter what. The sun too, is alone but continues to shine.
By: Des May, Trans-Educator
“I am a Woman of Transgender experience.”